Happy Birthday Vanya!
by StarlingStorm
Summary: Posting from the Russ/Amer livejournal community. Very late, I know. Cute banter between America, Russia, and France; with fluff cuteness at the end! I hope you enjoy!


"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR VANYA! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

Alfred finished singing and smiled brightly at his boyfriend.

Ivan blushed and gave a small smile. "Спасибо, Alfred!"

Francis smiled warmly, "Yes, happy birthday to you, and many happy wishes to you for the new year."

Ivan's eyes lit up and he looked back at Alfred, a grin forming on his face, "I will come later to collect my present. Alfred, please wrap yourself in ribbons accordingly."

Alfred blushed and shook his head, "No! Creep!"

Ivan chuckled and took a step towards Alfred, "Ah, then you would like me to do it for you, da? I do not mind."

"No thank you." Alfred shifted position on the couch, "I-I need to finish this Ghost Hunters marathon! Oooo! New episode! Doing the Manson murders!"

Francis sighed but smiled, "Alfred you sound ADD."

" I am not ADD!"

"I need to get ready for New Years eve, Alfred, you don't want me to wake up alone with no present beside me, da? I will be very, very sad." Ivan pouted, staring at the back of Alfred's head.

"No...but...I got you a present already! I sent it a week ago! It should be here!"

"But I asked Ded Moroz for you, Alfred."

"You also asked General Winter last year, and I did not like that!"

France laughed. "Oh my, Russia, quite ambitious of you, wishing for a whole nation for Christmas. I tried that for years with Anglais and it never worked."

Alfred scowled, "Maybe because you are too pushy, huh Francis?"

"Well, I wanted to wish for 'Everyone becomes one with Russia' first, but then I remembered I was not very good, so if I asked for someone who was being not very good together with me. It is fair da?"

Alfred twisted around in shock to stare at Russia, "WHAT! Wh.. I've been good! Santa visited me! I didn't get coal! Francis! Help me out here!"

"Da, Alfred, you were very good, that is why I shall give you a reward ."

Alfred narrowed his eyes, "What kind of reward? Not a painful one, right?"

"It will be better after you get used to it."

Francis walked over to the couch and leaned back against it. "No, no help for you Amercaine. That is a cute reason, Vanya. Perhaps I should wish for the video tapes of this? Fufufufu."

Alfred's mouth drops open and a bright blush spreads across his face. "..."

"Francis, possibly Santa Claus's strength was no match for an infuriated Arthur?" Ivan giggled.

Alfred finally managed to get his voice working again. "I can't...just no...that's...NO. Francis! Help your brother out! You jerk!"

"We shall see after we try, da? Physically I can promise that you can, so do not be afraid. By the way, I would like red ribbons and a bow."

"I said no Ivan! You never listen! Same when I wanted to bake Mattie cookies! I'm trying to watch this creepy show!" Alfred's gaze quickly flicks back to the television before looking back at Ivan. "Yea...so go away! And no red! Red, white and blue maybe, but not just red!"

"And nothing else-remember now, Alfred!"

"Ah, thank you Francis, I forgot to mention that."

"Alfred, you scare easily, you might as well give Ivan his Christmas gift early and have someone hold you while you get over your irrational fears. Arthur and I are 'busy'"

"Why you! Oh yea? Maybe I should just tell Arthur who hid away all his teabags yesterday during coffee break, hmmm?"

"Ah, then it is perfect, Alfred: you are white, your eyes are blue and your face is turning red right now. Very well, then I would like no ribbons."

."Vanya! I am so proud of you!" Francis skips over to pat Ivan on the head. "You have learned so well! And Alfred, I will simply deny and blame you-consider who is warming Arthur's handcuffs, who do you think he will believe?"

"NO IVAN!" Alfred's cheeks turn a brighter red. "NO! I WILL NOT STRIP FOR YOU! AND YOU!" Alfred's eyes flick over to Francis, "STOP PRAISING HIM!"

"But he is doing so well! You on the other hand...oh mon cher, you must learn to loosen up!" Francis shakes his head in disappointment. "Less clothes are good."

"Thank you, Francis. You may come visit me with Arthur, I will lend you the banya in my country house, I am guessing you will quite like it. And nyet, nyet, Alfred, you don't need to strip. I like to unwrap my presents myself."

"Now you are inviting him to your place! What the hell Ivan!" Alfred crossed his arms and turned back around, facing the TV.

"Joy! Merci, Vanya, we may well take you up on that. I can lend you my spare red padded handcuffs in exchange if you like." Francis smirked lewdly, "Just be sure and sterilize any, ahem, 'fluids' afterwards."

"Ah, don't worry Alfred, don't worry, my house is big, they will not hear you."

"And I wouldn't mind if we did!" Francis gave a wink.

Ivan giggled, "See? Isn't Francis very kind?"

"OH MY GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TWO!" Alfred picks up one of the couch pillows and chucks it at them both, "GO BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER SOMWEHERE ELSE!"

"We already are, to my knowledge, but I'm afraid I've no intention of moving mon cher. We love you and cannot possibly, in good conscience, leave you alone to scare yourself silly with your B horror shows."

"No need to be jealous, дорогой, all I want for Christmas is you!"

"See Alfred? You have such a caring boyfriend! You really should show him some gratitude, you uncouth Americaine."

Alfred growls and hugs his pillow tighter to his chest while watching the show, trying to ignore them both. "And all I want for Christmas is my sanity back." Alfred mutters.

"Awwwww! Look Vanya, he thinks he's sane. Isn't that cute?"

"No, I will not give it back. I quite enjoy you this way."

Alfred turns to glare at Francis, "You're one to talk, Mr. Let's-all-skip-to-Russia-during-the-Winter!"

"Oh, I never stooped so low as to claim sanity, mon cher. We are nations, by definition how can our kind be sane?"

"I was sane before you and Arthur took me from Finland." Alfred glares at Francis.

"Ah, don't mind it Francis, Alfred likes to complain after I make him go crazy. So cruel, Alfred."

"Poor you, Vanya. He really is quite a handful."

"You two do NOT act your age!"

"Moi? But Alfred, mon cher, that would be simply DREADFUL. I am hundreds if not thousands of years old. I would be past decrepit if I acted my age!" Francis gave a shudder. "Not fashionable!"

"You don't see me acting like a five year old. Grow a pair already!" Alfred rolls his eyes.

"I do not remember you complaining about that when you push me to play video games with you, Alfred." Ivan smirks, lifting an eyebrow.

Alfred starts fuming, "So! Japan plays them too!"

"Da, da, Japan also makes more cartoons than we can imagine!" Ivan actually covers his mouth this time, letting out a giggle.

"So very true!" Francis pipes in. "Ah, mon ange Anglais is waiting for me, I fear I must go away for now. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

Alfred glares at Francis. "Asshole."

"Not at all, my ass is quite delectable and sensitive, mon Americain. And I thank god every day for it!"

"Ugh! I don't know how the old man puts up with you!"

"Tell Arthur I said hello!" Ivan smiled.

"I will, Vanya, thank you. See how one with manners behaves, Alfred?"

"I HAVE MANNERS!"

"And Arthur puts up with me because I appreciate his handcuffs and kinks and also his c-...er, vital regions"

Go trip down a pair of stairs Francis! You too commie!"

"No stairs here, mon cher."

"My, my, Alfred, I am afraid I will have to punish you."

"Vanya, strip him and tease him for me! Thoroughly."

"That I shall do, comrade!"

Alfred jumps off from the couch and backs up. "Wha-What! No! Have you two been drinking too much!"

"If he continues to be uncooperative, I can highly recommend 'losing' the keys to those cuffs I suggested." Francis laughed.

Alfred shot a glare over at Francis. "He doesn't have cuffs."

Ivan smirked. "Francis kindly lent me his pair."

"Oui, I did. Vanya, you better promise to put them to good use!"

"But of course I have cuffs, Alfred. But you will have to come with me to Russia to see them all."

"Alfred, be a good boy and show your boyfriend some gratitude. You complain about him so much it would be a nice idea to reward him when he's good like this."

"Ah, don't worry, Francis, I know that "asshole" stands for "I love you" in his speech."

"Ah, Vanya, I am proud of you-you are learning to read your lover's speech for it's true meaning! Just like I know how much Arthur loves me when he calls me a 'bloody frog'."

"Da, the first thing I learned was that 'no!' means "yes!'"

"You two are unbelievable!" Alfred throws up both hands in frustration. "And..." Alfred turns to Ivan, "No! That's not what my 'no' means!"

"Oui, oui, that is correct Vanya!"

"I know, I know." Ivan nods and smiles widely.

"Alfred, you are far behind in your lessons, you must learn that when Vanya says 'no' he really means 'touch me, please, America'. This is very basic mon cher!"

"No...When Ivan says 'no' he means 'get the fuck away from me before I snap your fingers off, da?'"

"That depends on where your fingers are, da?"

Francis walks back over to the couch and examines Alfred's hands. "But you still seem to be in possession of all your fingers. And he didn't even press the shiny red button for you. I think he loves you, mon cher ! I recommend touching him more when he protests. Just...carefully. You MUST learn some subtly mon cher."

Alfred blushes bright red again and yanks his hands away from Francis. "He...that...he...ummm..." Alfred glances over at Ivan and blushes more. "I mean...shit! A new episode! Go away!"

"Well, I must go soon but I very much doubt Ivan is going anywhere. Ah! Dear Anglais is getting positively bitchy at me for keeping him waiting. I must go and play with him; it won't do to keep him like this too long. Au revoir children!"

"Bye Pervert."

"See you, Francis!"

Francis turned from his position at the door and grinned at Ivan. "Screw him silly, Vanya!" Francis then ducks and runs out the door.

Alfred throws a pillow after, but misses.

Ivan catches the thrown pillow and smiles.

"Why did you invite him anyways? You should know by now he gets extra creepy around the Holidays."

"After sharing you with someone, having you all to myself is especially pleasurable."

Alfred narrows eyes. "And so do you it seems." Alfred turns back to the TV and grabs another pillow, hugging it tightly.

Ivan very silently walks up to Alfred from behind and leans to Alfred's face, "What do I do, Alfred?"

Alfred does NOT scream like a girl as he clings tightly to his pillow. "Ivan! Don't do that while I'm watching Ghost Hunters International! And uhhh..."Alfred glances to the side. "You act just like Francis around the holidays!

Ivan walks around and sits down on the couch next to Alfred. "Have you ever thought, Alfred, that it is you who makes me the way I am?"

Alfred blinks and tilts head. "Uhh...What do you mean? How so?"

"If you don't stop being so cute, I'll stay this way forever." Ivan lays his head in Alfred's lap. "Just for a little bit, da?"

Alfred blushes but makes no move to get up. "I-I suppose, while I watch the show. And I'm not cute! Alfred falls silent and begins to absently comb his fingers through Ivan's hair.

Ivan firmly puts his right palm on Alfred's knee, takes a long breath and smiles, closing his eyes.

"You know, I'm really glad I have you Vanya. You mean a lot to me and we have had so much history." Alfred bites his lip nervously and bends over, kissing Ivan softly on the lips. "Happy Birthday Vanya, and don't ever change."


End file.
